Hey Beloveds, I've been getting quite a few inquiry emails, so I guess it's time for another update. It helps me tremendously to catch everyone up at once, as individual updates are emotionally exhausting. So thanks for reading this, and then treating me like a "normal" person when we see each other! ...here goes:
“It’s my birthday. It’s strange to have your birthday in the middle of a crisis. And, well, suffice it to say that my life has become stranger than I could possibly imagine! Indeed, sometimes I scarcely recognize what my life has become…”
This was the beginning of a very long sad update that I started writing 2 days before my birthday (April . But then, something miraculous happened...I went to the beach! For those who don’t know me well, I love the beach; I feel like I am part otter and frolicking in the waves is one of my happiest places, where I feel most at home in my own skin. SO, I’ve scrapped the previous post (it still exists for anyone who is seeking a good cathartic cry-DM me! But I’ll spare the rest of you happy souls!) and instead am writing from a much more optimistic and grounded perspective. Riding my bike, eating the shrimps, frolicking, frolicking, frolicking...i feel like my soul finally returned to this sacred ol’ meat bag and decided to stay awhile longer.
I am still struggling with this thing called reality. I do not have to undergo CHEMO, which I am endlessly grateful for. Today however, Monday April 19 at 2:00 pm EST, I will receive my first of 25 radiation treatments. Five days a week for 5 weeks I am consenting to receive a very specific and well aimed beam of radiation. My doctors say it will take my recurrence chances from +25% to <10%...so please don’t send me messages telling me I am making a mistake. I feel confident that I am doing the best I can with the tools we have available. Your prayers and support are what I seek.
Infact, every weekday from Monday, April 19 through Friday May 21, I invite you to light a candle and be with me in prayer from wherever you are, however you can. My appointments are all in the afternoon, between 1:30 and 3 PM EST. The song Radiate Me from COPPERWOMAN (https://open.spotify.com/track/0J5sE7PTsxuRbNFrnAhePu...) is my theme song for this time.
And if I am slow in getting back to you, or don’t at all, please don’t take it personally. I am doing all that I can right now to keep my life in some semblance of order and functionality; to connect with my kids & loved ones; to grow the garden...speaking of which, if anyone wants to come and be my garden buddy, I am challenged in that realm! Between not yet having full upper body strength, and not being able to be in the sun (too much radiation..oh, the irony!), the classic REM song, “Gardening at Night” (https://open.spotify.com/track/4z80LOrUJonngRGzzrfjnD...) is becoming a way of life for me-ha! So, if you’ve got some spare time and want to put your digits in the dirt, holla! I’ve got weeds (with an S) for days!
Other than that, each day is a journey. I cry. I laugh. I am humbled to the point of feeling like a different human than the one I was a few months ago. And often, it's very good. Overall, I am still dwelling in my Peaceful Life, (Guts & Lorine Chia) (https://open.spotify.com/track/1oqcT3rKnuyGf7gcQU8IXx...) and I wish the same for each of you. love.Love.LOVE!
If you are able, please donate here. Thanks.
An avid & sometimes obsessed & sometimes nomadic & always wild fermenter & culture shifter...find her scampering in a forest near you!